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VEENU SANDAL

I have a heady crush on my gym instructor

Q. What has happened should make me laugh, but its making me cry my heart out. For so long, it was always the back of a car which was our love den because we had nowhere else to go. Then one day, my guy said hey, are we always going to see each other half dressed and that too in the dark? So we borrowed a friend's room for a couple of hours and that did it for us – that was the end of our relationship. We just couldn't take and digest what we saw of each other and we're not only embarrassed about what we saw, it's just turned us into strangers. We did care for each other, but I'm no longer sure we do. And that's what's making me cry. Is there any way of wiping out the nude scenes from our minds and going back to our innocent half-dressed times?

—M.

A. Have you talked to each other after the well, "event"?  Talking about the "event", what your expectations were, what you both actually saw and felt – all that might be the glue that's needed to make your relationship intact again. Going to a counsellor would be extremely useful too. And lastly, try and give yourself time to come to terms with it — that'll help quite a bit.

Q. I've just joined college this year, and my parents are already putting pressure on me to get hitched to someone. They say the longer girls get unlimited freedom these days, the more likely they are to get their values mixed up. And they don't want to see me going the way of my elder sister who married someone from another community and then went through a messy marriage break up. But right now, I just don't want to get married to anyone. I have other dreams and I want to work towards them, not get tied up in a marriage, and an arranged one at that. This "you have to to get married" and "I don't want to get married just now" screaming match is causing ugly scenes between us every day. I'm so fed up, I'm ready to leave home, take up a part-time job and pay my own way through college. Do you think I should go ahead? That's the first question. More importantly, do you think I'll be able to do it?

—L.

A. Well, leaving home, taking up a part-time job, paying for your own way through college and generally learning to stand on your own feet will certainly be a very valuable learning experience. It won't be easy at times, true, but it'll be a challenge well worth it because it'll make you stronger and obviously, you'll be able to beat all odds if your determination is strong and you have faith in yourself. But along with strength and faith, you'll need to handle matters maturely, and that includes doing your own thing but also simultaneously making every effort to keep your parents in the loop. This will hopefully bring the desired balance in your relationship and make them soften their stand and eventually bring about the kind of reconciliation you want.

Q. I have a huge, heady crush on my gym instructor, but I also have a boyfriend who I don't want to lose. How do I balance both?

A. If you don't want to lose your boyfriend, perhaps your best bet would be to continue savouring the heady excitement of your huge crush in your gym instructor without actualising it.

 
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