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I like a man who is old enough to be my father

Q. My boyfriend and I have a six year relationship. We were very satisfied emotionally and physically. But in April my boyfriend went on a fortnight long trekking tour with some foreigners. After he returned, he was a changed person. He insisted on having only oral sex and insists that it is a more advanced, healthier and safer way of enjoying a good sex life. Earlier, oral sex was part of our love making. Now he doesn't want normal sex at all and our lov making is no longer lovemaking but just a sexual act. But he doesn't see it that way.  He says safe gratification is what counts. This is creating a big strain in our relationship. What should I do?


A. Obviously, your boyfriend needs expert, experienced counselling. But before you seek that, perhaps you should use the six-year strength of your relationship and try reasoning with him and counselling him for some more time in your own intimate way. Sometimes, hang-ups like your boyfriend's can be a 'fad' that will pass if given enough time. However, if it still persists, go in for specialised help.

Q. None of my love relationships have worked out. In office as well, there's competition and back biting all the time. At home, I am nagged by my parents and taunted by my brother. I don't see any point in living this way. Can you tell me the best way of committing suicide but don't kindly lecture me on whether it is right or wrong. I have checked on the Net but can't decide which way is best.


A. There is no 'best way of committing suicide'. If you've already checked on the Net or elsewhere, you'll have found that there's always a risk that it may not work out and you may end up prolonging your life in a most painful manner -- achieving just the opposite of what you intended. People have survived after putting a gun to their heads, suffered permanent brain damage or gone into a comatose state. People have survived after jumping from heights and often become disabled for life. People have survived even after resorting to multiple methods.  Sleeping pill overdoses, hanging, chemicals, self inflicted injuries, self administered lethal injections, and so on don't always guarantee death either. What they do seem to guarantee to survivors is a further period of suffering. Fortunately, there are cases where survivors, even when physically impaired after the failed attempt, have succeeded in making new starts and led fairly satisfying lives.

Q. I have a younger sister who goes for tuitions and I go on weekends to drop her and pick her up. That is how I met her tutor and now I can't get him out of my mind though he is almost as old as my father. Can you please help me get over this attraction as it is affecting me, especially because I know it can never be?


A. You've acknowledged 'I know it can never be' – that's a good starting point to get over your attraction. Every time you begin thinking about him, try and counter it with 'I know it can never be, so let me move on' and get busy with something else. Secondly, till you begin to win your battle of thoughts, avoid meeting him. If you can't avoid that, remind yourself when you do meet that he's your sister's tutor and almost as old as your father. It's your strength of mind that will help you get over the attraction.

Q. I am twenty four years old and thinking of getting married and trying out everything before that so that I don't have new desires after settling down. So far, I have had sex with boys my age, teenagers and two men over fifty. But I have never had a physical relationship with a woman and I don't know how to go about it. I am on Facebook and Twitter but if I use them to make my desire known then people will get to know my identity. Can you suggest something?


A. Nowadays, there are so many ways of inter-personal contact. You could try the chat mode or logging on to a lesbian website.

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