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VEENU SANDAL

I’m in love with a foodie who’s got diabetes

Q. We got into a physical relationship while in school and now we're both in our second year of college. It was still great but now it's suddenly gone "phat". At a recent bash, a friend of my boyfriend got high and told everyone that I was my boyfriend's female love partner and he was the male love partner. At that time we all laughed but later, when I confronted my boyfriend, he admitted he was bisexual. He insists that there's nothing wrong in it as he loves me and he also loves his male friend but he does not love me any less because he's also got a male partner. But that logic is beyond me. I'm so confused and knocked out. Guide me please.

—N.

A. It seems you need to sort out this new dimension more in your own mind and, to an extent, with your boyfriend. That's because no matter how illogical and confusing it is, the fact has emerged that your boyfriend is bisexual. What you have to decide is whether your feelings for your boyfriend are strong enough for you to accept that he's bisexual and has another partner. Think about it carefully.

Q. Last two years or so, I've been in love with a foodie. Of course, that made him overweight, but we loved trying out new eating joints and I loved cooking for him. But now something terrible has happened. He's just 21, but he's developed Type 2 diabetes. The worst part is he's blaming me for it, saying I encouraged him to guzzle all the wrong kinds of food, and we're no longer on speaking terms. I'm really devastated about him having diabetes, by his accusations and the sudden break up.

­—I.

A. Given that you had a two-year-long relationship, and the fact that your boyfriend has now got diabetes at such a young age, you should certainly try and reach out to him. His blaming you and cutting you out are probably just reactions to discovering he's got diabetes. However, quite obviously, if he refuses to see reason, moving on will be the only option.

Q. My dad was diagnosed in the last stage of cancer some nine months ago. Now he can no longer eat and drink or speak as his throat has also got blocked with the cancerous growth. He is on a drip but he is refusing to have a food pipe put or any other interventions as he says (or rather, writes on a slate) that there's no point in prolonging his life. He is being so brave, but it is terrible for me and my mom and even our pet dogs have stopped eating. I want to do something to show him what a wonderful dad he has always been.

—J.

A. I'll share with you some of the things which made my mother really happy in her last days and that might give you some ideas. I shared with her special plans I had for the future and sought her approval and blessings and that really moved her. I kept her surrounded as best as I could with the things she loved. We discussed death and dying freely and we both felt good because we agreed that even though it would be a big blow to be in different worlds, we would always be there for each other. She was most at peace when I hugged her and just sat with her, stroking her forehead, caressing her hand. Staying connected with her, letting all my love flow to her mattered a lot.

 
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