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‘Looks are fine, but there has to be action’

Q. Judging by looks, my boyfriend is a real stunner and I'm everyone's envy and I enjoy being envied tremendously. But lovemaking-wise, he's a real wimp and I'm not to be envied, though that's a secret. But will this trade-off be worth it in the long run, like if we want to become live-in partners or even maybe get married? Looks are fine, but there has to be action too in a relationship, right? So what do I do?


A. It'll depend on what you're seeking and what you want. "There has to be action too in a relationship" — you're absolutely right, but in a well-rounded relationship that action is at many levels and is of many kinds — not just lovemaking. So review your relationship and see if you're satisfied overall. If not, see if anything can be done about it and if you have doubts, give it some more time or move on.

Q. I'm in my last year of graduation and its turning out to be very painful because of my parents. My father is a bureaucrat and he's insisting, along with my mother, that I should go for IAS or IFS, whereas for me they're a real no-no, partly because I'm very keen on studying about the use of social media and have several very workable ideas. But my parents are appalled at my choice and are putting all kinds of unfair pressures on me. The scene at home is always tense these days as we're often in heated arguments and I seem to be the cause. Please advise me.


A. You're in your "last year of graduation", so you've still got some time before you actually launch into whatever you want to take up. For the sake of peace at home, perhaps it would be a good idea to adopt a "let me see when the time comes" line instead of getting into heated arguments which are not really necessary at this point. Leave it open for now to minimise the tension — when the times comes, you can always insist on doing your own thing.

Q. I watched the video and read about Brittany Maynard who chose to "die with dignity" and I'm wondering whether I should do the same. I'm not suffering from a brain tumour, but my suffering from the intense pain of a broken heart after an affair gone horribly wrong is almost as bad. I can't sleep, I get dizzy spells and I've fallen a couple of times and hurt myself, and because the affair was with my boss I'm out of a job as well, living off my savings, which are quite limited, so that's another source of worry which adds to my growing inclination to end my life. And don't advise or counsel me that there'll soon be another someone in my life, etc. Even if there is, what's the guarantee I won't be dumped and heartbroken again? I've checked, so I know it's not legal in India, but that's my headache. What I want you to do is to please advise me on the most sure-shot way where I can't survive or be rescued, no matter what.


A. Since you've been doing some checking and you do have doubts, you must be aware that even the most perfectly planned murders and suicides often don't work out the way they're planned — which means you could end up, like so many other instances, botched-up physically, dependent on others for the rest of your life. However, it's well known that generally broken hearts do not qualify as "terminal cases" — they do mend with the healing power of time and good therapy. Therefore, choosing to live is a far better option than taking a high-level risk. Do please weigh the pros and cons realistically.

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